DREAMS OF DISCOVERING THE WHOLE WORLD !

I've always hated the word "goals." It sounds like someone is discussing soccer. What's after the goal? Then what... one things done, but did you really want to do it? Is this what's expected of you, or what you're heart wants? You know what a better word for goal is? A dream.


It's funny how in the beginning of our lives they start out big, and then usually get smaller as we grow up. I've always wondered why that is with people. When they're young, everything is new and exciting, every day is an adventure filled with endless possibilities. But then as we get older, more capable of accomplishing these feats, our hearts start to shrink. We worry about pimples, car payments, catty friends, boys, all these electronic things....honestly in my opinion, boring. All these worries boil down to going to the school your parents went to, and then becoming a house wife or a secretary. People yell at their daughters for doing stuff they themselves did. Highlights. Brunch on Sundays with the red hat club. And then you die. 


Maybe I'm a little dramatic, but I've always been that way. 
When I was in third grade, I had a plan. When I grew up I was going to be an indian chief in the mountains of North Dakota, canoeing down the great ocean coast line and sending messages to other tribes via smoke signal. 


That dream changed when Norma kindly told me that I was white, and with minimal indian heritage becoming a chief would be nearly impossible. 


Fourth grade was a low point in my life, as I had a horrid teacher who basically told my parents that I was intellectually insufficient. I was dreaming up novels and stories and theatre plays while he was talking about Math (or something). Gross. Really to pass the time I would look around the room and point out routes that elves could take to climb in and out of the walls, up the television, throughout bookshelves. ect. I still do that sometimes when I'm bored. 


Middle school was undeniably, irrevocably in my own words complete hell. I have blocked most of those three years out of my memory. I failed seventh grade math and think I broke a record for most times getting yelled at in Tech Ed. 


In freshman year I knew I just wanted to get out. Out of school. Out of Michigan. I was fourteen and already seriously ambitious on becoming a world traveler. I just wanted to see and experience everything. So I began to look look and look for opportunities. They are limited, as you can probably imagine, for a kid to say "see you" to their parents w/ permission and jet off to have adventures alone across an ocean. 


One day after school I was feeling particularly fed up with all the bull at grand haven, all the teachers I knew I was smarter than and all the kids who acted like coked up five year olds (I wasn't happy). I saw a poster to become a rotary exchange student in a foreign country for 11 months. 


Hmm... 


When I went to the meeting, I was told afterwards that it was too late to sign up and fill out an application, as they were due in a week and they usually took three to do. 


Nope. 
I was going next year. 
My application was going to be filled out in record time.
And I was going to get out in the world and see what I could see. 


The men running the meeting kind of blinked at me slowly and handed me an application carefully, as if my extreme eagerness was a sign that I may bite. 


So here I am almost exactly a year later, sixteen, sitting on a couch in a french restaurant, learning a foreign language and living big. It hasn't been easy. But it's been an incredible ride so far and I plan to continue until they force me into a plane and make me go in July ! I love driving through other countries and taking pictures. I love meeting new people and trying strange foods. I live for this. And today, my dreams rest somewhere between writing adventure novels and then buying a 90 foot cutter sailboat and going around the world or becoming a zoologist in central africa and working to diminish illegal trafficking of elephant tusk ivory ! And also befriend some lions I hope. Hey, if I can get out to travel the world at sixteen, I can do anything. The difference between me and others is that I really believe that I can do it. And look, I am ! 


Today I'm driving through the Netherlands with my host family and stopping in the capital of Europe (brussels) for dinner, taking lots of pictures. 
Have a great day !
Live bold and live large ! 


-Megan 

This life is an adventure, this life is a gift. 2 months in France.

This weekend has been exceptionally great, for about three reasons. 


1) I got to spend Friday afternoon with Clémentine. We went to a cafe and had "Tea" with peices of yummy bread, nutella, jam, and some coffee for me and some hot chocolate for her. It was lovely. And we took some funny pictures which are on my Facebook Account. 


2) IT'S FALL HOLIDAY. For ten days, for no particular reason. And I found out two days before it began, which was really great. It was the same feeling as finding fifty dollars in a wallet you hadn't used in two years, so you forgot it was there. No school ! So that means I get to sleep. 


3) My town (Cysoing) has sort of a "sister city" in England called "Much Wenlock", and every year a bunch of people either come from there or we go there. This year was the year that a bunch of people came here. And the people who stay at our house are great friends of My host parents/family, Steve and Linda. They are HILARIOUS and funny and so so kind. And very english. And it looks like I could go to their house in England around the end of the year and stay for a while. They live actually quite close to Whales and I am very very Welch/Irish so it would be cool to walk along the cliffs and the sea, taking lots of pictures. The whole group of them remarked how Welch I look and about my welch name, round face, big eyes, bow lips. I thought I would actually go to back to England this week for the rest of my vacation, but my host mother pointed out it would be terrible for my progressing french and though I do have a french visa, my rotary doesn't allow you to travel outside the district yet. Which I find absolutely ridiculous and stupid, because we're in Europe for godssakes, everything's right here for us to see. But it has been such great fun to spend time with these people. In a while we're going out to the city to do some shopping. This morning we walked through the rolling green country side with Galette (sausage dog) and her puppies. The sun was out and it was absolutely beautiful and not freezing, for a change. I'm going to be photographing when we go out today and I think I've got enough battery in my camera.


What's weird is... I don't think my english accent is beginning to change...but it is a little different. Because whenever I've gotten to speak english it's been with someone who has an english accent or is from england. It's not the extreme american/midwest anymore. And also I laugh differently. Today is the two month mark of when I've been in France, and there are so many changes about myself that I've noticed. I've lost weight, I laugh differently, my food preferences have changed... and also I don't know. I just feel about fifteen years older. My french is loads better. Simple little things that really shock me sometimes, when I pause to think about it. 


I can't wait to post more pictures today. I'm looking forward to going back to school next Wednesday to see all my friends. I love love love where I am, my life. A while ago my friend Christine came to Cysoing to visit me and my home. We walked through the forrest to a bench which was facing an ancient chateau, with the sun gleaming through the trees and the water of a river sparkling under the land bridge the bench was on. I said..."Let's just stop time." 


We sat there for what seemed like an age. I closed my eyes. After a while she grabbed my hand and told me we had to leave, because she had to catch a bus for her train back into the city. 


I stopped for one more second and then followed her to leave. And that's life I suppose. We can't freeze anything, but we can stop in our own bubble of time to look around and enjoy it. We must continue and march on for what's next, but there's no problem if you want to be thankful for what's been given to you. And who knows, maybe that's why I'm so happy right now. I'm looking at it and understanding how beautiful everything is and I know how lucky I am. Not a day goes by when I don't smile and appreciate the path my life has taken. Because I've already changed. And so much time is left for me here. There is no limit to the possibilities that can still happen. Life is a miracle, and for those who have been given the ability to understand its significance.....life is a true gift. 


Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy your Monday and the rest of your week. You know I am. 

Questions/Deep thoughts

Many things go through my mind on a daily basis. I wish I could just stare at wall for twenty four hours and think. 


Was I put in France for a cosmic, universal reason? Does everything happen for a reason/or are we just all tap dancing on a roller coaster of chance. Where does it all go, what does it all mean? What is jealousy really, what is anger. Is it all within ourselves or can we really hate another. How can others make us feel pain? It isn't our problem, we know it's not our fault...but then how, at some times, have I just wanted to lock myself in my room and cry because of something someone else said or did. What does it really mean to us? Why do we allow others to control our feelings? And is our sadness from their anger a reflection of their internal sadness...or is it just us. Feeling inadequate.


Though I feel free to broadcast my opinions, my thoughts and feelings, in actuality I am a very private person. I think many know me as who I choose to be seen as, but select few know me as I really am. I've always known that I am an individual. I see things differently, I go about things in my own time and space. I feel things very deeply, and that can work against me when I feel sadness. But with that I can create passages of writing, or paintings, drawings. 


Why did I want to become an Exchange Student? I wanted to be a speaker of two languages. I wanted to experience and learn about another culture. I wanted to make friends who come from diverse walks of life. And in all honesty, I wanted to get out of Michigan, the midwest, and America. I want knowledge, I want freedom, I want truth. I want perspective. And this hunger and foolishness of the traveler will rest inside me forever. Yesterday was America, Today is France, and tomorrow the world. I will never stop, because to stop is for others who are content with the norm. And as mentioned, I am an individual in the extreme. This experience has made me content in that for the first time. 


"I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people." -John Lennon


I hope you have enjoyed a look into my brain. Enjoy your Sunday. 

If you can't beat them join them.

The girls here are beautiful. It's outrageous, and if any one of them set foot in my school at home, everyone would fall in love (Anne Demange...). As a woman in France, it's very important to look good. I go to public school here, and even the girls there all wear high heeled shoes or boots, beautiful clothes, and it's not uncommon every day to have perfect hair and makeup. 

When I got here, this really wasn't me. Really wasn't me. I had clunky black clogs, sweatshirts, the like. It worked in America because most of the population of ghhs wore sweats and jeans everyday, so who would care. 

I have three host sisters here (Agathe, Blanche, Sidonie) and they're all very very pretty and dress beautifully all the time. My host mother quickly noticed I was very different, and laughed and joked at me all the time.  I laughed too, because I was like a confused duck wandering around with a bunch of swans. 

And then I sold my soul, buying my first pair of high heeled brown boots. 

awesome FRENCH GIRL stuff ! I wake up earlier to put on makeup (even lipstick, thanks MSL...) before I get on the bus and the train. I consciously put on jewelry (that matches? yes.) and perfume. I wear a lot of turtle necks, skirts, and tights. AND OF COURSE A SCARF EVERYDAY. I didn't know my feet could look so small (oh wait, it is because I'm not wearing shoes that are too big/ugly? Oh...) hahah. 

In other news, learning french is agonizingly hard. I know for a fact it is the toughest latin language to learn, and I heard on the radio that it was the hardest language to learn in the world. After going over mountains of grammar corrections, I won't argue. Also, I forget what they're called, verb subjunctions or something but anyway in English there are 0, in Portuguese there are 4, and in French there are 6. Today I had a FOUR HOUR french class and I just sat there concentrating so hard my jaw was clenched tight enough that I started to feel sick. 

I'm tired, and all my sisters are here this weekend so it's a little crazy. I go horseback riding tomorrow, and I have school again on Monday. I'm making friends everywhere, and I already love all of them so much. 

This song reminds me of all the girls at my school. Especially with the clacking heels. But now my heels clack too, so we've got that going for us. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riXYWLo622w copy the link into your browser ! A tout. Biz. 

One Month on "The Road"

One Month in France. What are some words to describe it... 

The Best. Difficult. Really hard. Adjustment. Rewarding. Bread. Wine. Life changing. Sunshine. Animals. Amazing new friends. The most free and beautiful I've felt in my life. Heart ache. Early mornings. Lots of sleep. Thicker Hair. Clearer skin. Out of breath. Less temper. Learning, always learning. Life lessons, a new language, about people. Stupid mistakes. Big decisions. Break throughs. 

I love my friends here. I love my family. I love discovering new things about myself. I'm a lot tougher than I thought, a lot stronger and smarter. I don't talk as much (there's really no way I could) because I've learned that those who have wisdom to share speak little, while those who don't--keep talking until they find something worth saying. 

I've learned the only way to truly learn a language is to throw yourself into a new culture and country and do the work there. Sorry, hopeful eighth graders in Spanish I--you will never become fluent or even close to precocious until you've lived in it. I thought I was hot stuff coming out of French III-I had a great teacher, I studied, I really thought I had a lot down. 

HAHAHA. When you arrive in the culture and people are blabbing a million miles an hour around you--they may as well be speaking gibberish. But progress is made when you do the ground work and STUDY, REPEAT concentrate 110% (Christine) and focus all of your energy into understanding what the hell the person next to you is talking about. 

At first it seems fruitless, pointless, how will you ever understand? But then you have your first dream in french. And then you say your first word without even thinking before speaking. And today, my teacher was going on a long rant about a writer--I was doodling in my notebook, perusing a french grammar book and copying verbs, being good. But then I stopped to listen for a second and (holy flapjack) I understood something. 

She muttered incredibly fast (they all speak at the speed of light) <<voulez-vous dites quelque chose?>>

WOAH WOAH WOAH, HOLD THE PHONE HOLD THE PHONE. 

I scribbled in my notebook WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY SOMETHING and shoved it over to Clementine, who was sitting next to me. She laughed at me (always does) and told me it was right. (EN FETE CLEMENTINE EN FETE)

So you must be patient. But progress will happen. I'm already speaking much faster, understanding a much more VAST amount of vocabulary and grammar then I did when I arrived. My host Dad predicts I'll be fluent in a month (or at least close) and they've had exchange students from America before. But today was inspiring to me, so I'm not going on facebook for at least a month after I post the link to this blog entry. 

On another note, being in this unique and (sometimes) wonderfully odd family has made me grow up. Sometimes I don't like it, but I feel like for the first time I'm managing to be a responsible human being. It feels okay to be turning 17 soon. I'm ready for that number because I already feel so much older. 

Being here has made me strong. It's what I needed and I'm doing my best even though I screw up sometimes. And it took such a vast amount of courage to get here already, and I'm not about to whine to come home when things seem bleak or retreat into the insecure girl that I was. I'm taking every opportunity to make every second count. If the next nine months are as life changing as this one, I'm worried about not being recognized when I come back to Michigan. 

Ma vie est VRAIMENT BONNE. 

Riding Horses/Baking/French stuff.

In order to understand this post, you first have to know something about me. I am an animal person. Not a dog, cat, bird or giraffe person, but an animal person. If a vampire bat were stuck in my attic, I would probably try to cuddle with it. I've been finding and bringing home stray turkeys, morning doves, humming birds, other birds and other forrest animals for years (I'm very lucky to live in the woods and by the lake). I've tried to domesticate a chipmunk, and fallen into a pond more than once pursuing a frog. (Of course that was when I was much younger, and not two months ago...) 

My point is that I love animals. So you can imagine my attraction to horses. Giant beautiful gorgeous galloping horses. I've always wanted to ride them, BEGGING my parents as long as I can remember, but they never let me for a long time because of fear or whatever else. But my Mom's best friend Kim Beeson has a really impressive barn on Logger's trail (near the Conference grounds) with six/seven horses at a time. I've never been any less excited every time we got to go out there. 

So Fine. If I couldn't ride them, I would just go hang out with them. Feeding them carrots and talking to them, kissing their noses and brushing their manes. But I've always wanted to ride. 

I was lucky enough to be placed in a family that lives in a beautiful town outside of Lille (Cysoing). It has beautiful old houses, and lots and lots of woods and surrounding fields with horses cows and sheep (you can see my pictures on facebook with the album titles Cysoing). 

Anyway when me and my host mother Laure were on a bike ride, she took me to the L'equatation club (Equestrian club) of Cysoing. It's far back in the fields with 80 horses. The grounds are beautiful. I signed up to ride on Saturdays, and I don't think I've been as impatient for anything in my whole life. When I got to the stables at 5:30 I was just in a class in an indoor ring with one other girl--I saw all the ponies in their stables and thought--Well, worst comes to worst, I'll get stuck with one of them and go really slow the whole time. That won't be so bad. 

But Sonya (teacher) led me to the other stable building and pointed to one of the pense. "That's your horse!" 

Lol that's not a horse that's a sky scraper. 

This...beast...is the BIGGEST creature out of 80, a 15 year old stallion named New Deal (Roosevelt). He's blacker than any darkness, SO beautiful and very friendly. But lazy and kind of silly. I led him out of the barn, pretending like I was in charge, but he could have dragged me back inside without even thinking about it. 

When you first begin to trot on a horse, you have to take it like everything else---you have to bounce around and look like an idiot for five minutes. But then when the horse begins to get to know you, and adjust to how tight you grip, where your ankles kick ect. it's really amazing how fast he gets it. Me and New Deal trotted around the ring behind the other girl and her horse....I quickly got impatient with her speed. So did N.D. I was too afraid to try galloping yet (THIS SATURDAY) but after our lesson we took a walk in the woods. I think he likes me ! So it doesn't matter that when I dismounted I rolled over and fell in the dirt, and it doesn't matter that when I tried to pet him too enthusiastically that I jabbed him in the eye. Or that his feet are the size of my head. This really is an amazing horse--I can't wait to see him again Saturday. IT WAS SO GREAT. 

School is still cool. All my friends are sweet. Today me and Christine (Exchange student from Sweden) had a four hour break in between classes so we went into Lille to go shopping and have lunch. We found a great vintage hippy second hand store with ancient leather bags, jean jackets, boots and tshirts. It reminded me of San Francisco and Berkeley. 

Also, on Sunday, all of my host families came over for dinner to meet me and they were all SO NICE and really cool so that made me happy. In both of the families I have an older brother and two younger siblings, I think that's pretty cool. I baked (myself) an oreo cheesecake. I think it turned out ok. I love to cook at home, especially indian/thai food and I haven't gotten to really stretch my wings here yet. I miss that. 

I just biked to the Super Marchee with my host mom, and my host dad and I are making dinner tonight. I'm super tired because we didn't finish dinner last night until 23h00 (11pm) and I'm exhausted anyway from learning French. It's so difficult and it just makes you want to sleep every second. 

What I miss the most is my best friend, and Norma. I don't miss school in Michigan. We don't get 4 hour breaks in Michigan. BUT I DO MISS Bucs' Blade. I think I'm sending in a few columns soon, so read it when it comes out ! I'm going to put photos up of Amiens--that was like, 2 weeks ago. Whoops. 

Grass. dirt. School. Sunshine.

It makes me very glad to say I had no idea I would make so many friends here so quickly. I can't wait to go to school and see all of them. I love my class. Premiere L2 forever! hahah. I did not expect french teenagers to be so warm and welcoming, especially the girls. But I could not be more taken in at school, especially as a newcomer! Everyone is SO INCREDIBLY NICE and funny. Even with the language barrier. 

Today we had gym class which was actually a really good time. I walked with our big class down and across the street to the gymnasium, where we changed and went out into the big gym. We played badminton for two hours, mostly just goofing around and all the girls were swatting each other in the butt with our raquets (lol) but I think I may have actually won a few games, especially with Marion !

I've been feeling kind of disconnected from the Earth lately, just floating around, feeling sick a lot, not getting enough sleep, not drinking enough water, not being outside enough. So today I went for an incredibly long walk with Galette (the wiener dog. Also in French Galette means pancake. lol.). At first I thought oh great I'm doing to be dragging this silly dog behind me but it was quite the opposite. I had no idea she had so much energy. We went running through gardens, and forests, and rock pathways to fences where cows and horses were roaming in the rich, brisk afternoon light. I stopped to meditate in the middle of the greenest, most beautiful field you've ever seen. The sun was just above the gorgeous swaying trees. I just stopped to soak up the beauty. French countryside is unlike anything you've ever, ever seen. It's just a different place of being. Like visiting another planet untouched by humans and time. It made me want to stay rooted in that spot, forever. But Galette wanted to keep walking. We stopped by this stone tower...

http://www.facebook.com/photo.phpfbid=1773961407783&set=a.1773934207103.74201.1801760869&type=1&theater

to rest for a minute. it's so beautiful!!!!!!! Needless to say, I felt so incredibly better after that. it's 8:16pm, dinner is soon I think. I love Cysoing. I love the roots and the trees, the brick houses and the horses, cows, gorgeous mornings. I like going to bed early, around 9:30, so I can get up to watch the stars and the moon disappear. 

Clementine's birthday is on Friday. And I know that her favorite candy is M&M's, so I should probably get on that. A Demain