Scraped Knees

This morning I was jogging with my host family's large brown labrador, Ubu. While a fresh blanket of snow had covered all of my familiar paths and roads, I have great trekking on my shoes so I would not be stopped by mere ice. 

This dog is very sweet. But also extremely unaware of his own strength and most of the time, his own movements. So when another dog started barking at us as we passed his fence, Ubu did not hesitate to gallop (this dog is huge) forward enthusiastically, and I went flying head first down to the pavement. Besides some scraped knees I was perfectly fine, and after a moment I continued on. 

Whenever something like this happens, scraped hands, chipped tooth, stubbed toe, burned finger, I am immediately filled with a tiny tingling of adrenaline. It almost feels like I can breath more clearly, or a larger piece of me is conscious. I feel that much more alive. 

And then, as I usually do, I thought about this on a metaphorical level, and then it hit me. Holy CRAP. What would any of us do without pain we experience? All of the breakdowns I had when I was fifteen finally made sense. How would we ever rise from any ashes if there was no fire? If it weren't for the blood and the burns and the crying what would be the point of picking up and moving on? How could we sleep at night if we occasionally didn't get out of bed in the morning? 

ALTHOUGH please don't screw up your life intentionally to find something better. Your falls will come whether you want them to or not. Take it from someone who has an incredible amount of experience in this area. No matter how many staircases you are hurled down, you'll find a way to climb back up, and eventually you will even forget how you tripped. With every rejection and every moment you wish you could erase you come one step closer to wholeness and success and freedom. The harder you fall the stronger you rise. (If you're willing to work hard enough, internally and externally). 

So feel good about crying. Fell good about hurting. Like someone took a chisel and buried it in your chest. Revel, drown, become drunk in your own anguish frustrations and fears. These waves you feel control you is just a sea of tests of your strength. And as long as you don't become waterlogged it absolutely strengthens you. These horrors and memories may follow you like a shadow for the greater part of your choosing. But if you learn to turn around and face your shadows the new sunlight will all but blind you. Maybe that's why we are so visual in the first place. Who knows? 

We only have reasons to look forward and smile

 Within our world there are opposite sides. Points of view, fears, and where we all come from. There is physical east and west. There is mental north and south. We enter and exit alone: and what we encounter inbetween is partially a result of what those who have come before us decided. 

 We all enter and exit. No matter how many friends, teachers and lessons we encounter mostly all of it is up to us; the object; to respond. 

 No matter what opposite side you come from: if you have lily white skin and your grandmother’s blue eyes, if you’re a fifth generation medicine man living on the side of a mountain, or if you’re waiting to be told who you are. We all look in the mirror. We all inhale and reflect on what we see. As an object, we have been physically and mentally crafted to be able to take our own paths. We’ve been given the holy permission to tackle our fate and change the world--when every one of us is granted a fresh start, I can imagine some frustration as to why not many take advantage of it. 

 So, why not? We are all unique incarnations of communication and change. Surely just the idea should mobilize us into action----destroying the bad that came before and paving the way to enlightenment. Seeking truths all over the world and opening our minds to a better future. 

 Maybe some of it has to do with similar statements that I have written have been reserved for the sides of granola boxes and tourist trap brochures for ashrams and spas. Perhaps it’s been labeled as unpractical. Unproficient. You should be spending more time on your reirment fund, watching football games, or contemplating on which overpriced appliances to place in your American kitchen. 

 What I’m saying is PLEASE GO RIGHT AHEAD. Dream. Go ahead and wish, hope, smile, pray, imagine. Meditate. Forgive the people who tell you you’re just a product of what they’ve told you. Because they are merely the product of those who have come before them. You are the wrapped up glittering gift of tomorrow. The good you feel in your heart will beat, reverberating and blazing through every obstacle that comes at you. The love you feel towards new beginnings will create your trails. The only thing that matters is the strength of your feet. And the journey of a hundred thousand miles begins with no more than one step. More than you know, you’re already changing the world. And the rest of us are smiling and saying Thank you.

Those are my thoughts as of late. I hope you have a great Sunday and thank you  for reading!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Thankful for my time abroad!

The last time I wrote a blog it was November 18th--it is now December 25th. How time flies. Over the past month or so I've had major ups and major downs. I tried to make an entry here several times, writing drafts and erasing them over and over again. But then something incredible would happen and I'd have to reconsider. Or something that got me down and I would have to re-consider. When you end up thinking about it too much nothing ever works out. So now I've just come to write down some thoughts and ideas today. Regardless of religion, nearly the whole world is in some kind of celebration this Sunday. What better time is there to reflect? 

So I turned seventeen a week ago. And for a while I was wondering how I felt about it. 

What were other kids who just turned seventeen doing at home? driving past ten, school classes, having a party with friends. And not to put dow the lives of others, but believe me when I say that I really know how special my life is right now. I am living in a different culture roughly 7000 km from the one I left at home.  I am a traveler and I feel good about it everyday. And I know in my life I will continue. And for the first time I really feel my age. It's full of independence and the natural gift of standing on your own. Seventeen is GOOD. for those at fifteen/sixteen who feel like no one listens, that their opinions aren't heard, or maybe that they don't yet understand their own voice, seventeen is great. Like every year it's a new beginning but unlike most others it's very freeing. 

I also wanted to say something about being thankful this Christmas. I am so thankful for Rotary Youth Exchange. I am so thankful to be living overseas, speaking another language, and meeting amazing people almost everyday. It is unlike anything else in the world, because it is your gateway to the world. Peace is understanding, and being able to live abroad with another kind of people with an open mind is taking the first step. Hell, it's every step! I'm so proud of myself and the kids in my outbound group who are ALL over the world! Seriously, we are stationed in Asia, South America, and every corner of Europe. 

And what's even more special to me, is that there is a boundless spread of opportunity for those who wish to travel and discover. At any age (hello!). And maybe it's also interesting that rotary is unique and special...but...there are so many more ways that people are galavanting about the globe, at every age! I just read about a boy who has climbed the highest summit on every continent at at age 15. I read the travel blog of a american who has been living a nomadic lifestyle for twelve years, picking up all kinds of jobs on the road. Who has for the past decade+ been backpacking across all asia and europe spending time with fascinating people, food, and weaving his own experiences. 

So consider me bit by the bug. And I think those who have found what I have found will agree. Once your journey begins, when does it really end? 

I would like to say to everyone HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!! I'm extremely blessed to have many different friends from many different cultures so I will not confine that to just a Merry Christmas. I am so lucky to be surrounded by my new people. I wish everyone a wonderful new year and a safe holiday. Enjoy each other and be thankful and aware of what you have. Lots of love from northern France!

Peace 

Meg

the conception of bilingualism ...... partout c'est la meme chose.

When I was a kid one of the most fascinating things in the world was to hear my mother speak portugeuse. It didn’t happen often and it wasn’t for very long, but when it did I kept rapt attention the whole time. I would watch her from the couch, dinner table, or passenger seat of a car. She would babble on the phone endlessly, she seemed equally entranced. I watched her lips dance like a person clacking their heels. The foreign words tasted like a new spice in my ears. It was unfathomable to me how she could do it--a bunch of nonsensical sounds that somehow formed words. 

I have a big enough grip now to explain the mentality. But Listen, I’m not going to jump the gun and claim to be completely fluent in French. But I do feel very confident. It struck me today when I was in Literature class, that I could interpret almost a full page of text and not only translate from french to english, but also work out the grammar in french, in my head. I felt like I had just climbed everest. 

        My train of thought was this...

This sentence doesn’t make sense. moving on. 

Oh wait. I recognize the form of that verb. it must be in the present first person tense. 

That means that the second word is also another form of a word I know, but in a different tense. 

THAT MEANS I can connect the subject of the sentence with that verb, that ad-verb, and the few adjectives I already knew in the female version of the word that I knew!

But as french gets easier and easier, it’s bizarre to think that the whole world of english speakers won’t progress with me. It sounds bizarre written out, but in my head it makes perfect sense. It's strange to think that everyone else can't understand, because it's the same concept as english completely. It's just comprehension and response, whether you're writing or speaking. It feels natural and very spiritually enriching to be speaking two languages. It makes me sad that so many people will never experience that feeling. 

         I think the concept of language in humanity works like this. 

Each language is a train track. There are thousands of train tracks. 

Tracks like English have been so worn down and globalized that the language contains more slurs than consonants and vowels. But languages like french and Spanish stay crisp, clear. But each twists and turns in vastly different directions that a newcomer could never be expected to anticipate. As you study vigorously and travel to a new country, all becomes infinitely clearer. You memorize the track, the route, the twists and turns and you’re able to anticipate more and more. 

 I used to think that a new language would bring you to a new state of mine, change how you think and learn and...exist. In my head it made sense. But really, it’s still 100% you. Your thoughts are exactly the same, your laugh is the same, you stay the same in your conversation. You’re just riding on a different track. 

I wanted to say thank you for everyone who actually reads this humble little blog. I’m really happy I have so many cool people in my life who are interested in what I do and support me. I have reached almost 3,000 views! WHAT? That’s 1,000 for every month...

Things never really stop getting interesting over here, so keep checking in at this link. AND THANK YOU! 

A personal space.

One thing I didn't expect or think about as much on exchange is that you are not only leaving your own world, but stepping into someone else's. You won't be eating the same foods, waking up at the same time, and probably not wearing the same clothes. The people you look to as parents aren't Diana and Eric. They're Laure and Philipe. 


I know who my biological parents are, obviously. But if I need bus money, permission to go somewhere, a problem with school, friends, or feeling sad, it's who you go to. I'm following their rules and living in their home. 


The point I'm trying to make is, you leave literally everything in your life behind. You make new friends, new habits, and (I think) become very different. You're braver and you don't girlishly overthink every single detail of every situation. Everything's going to work out. You dye your hair a different color and lose five pounds. The world is a different place from the old one you knew, and so far you really dig that fact. 


But also, this new world around you doesn't comply with your preferences. First off, the language around you isn't your native tongue. Hm, difficult, but I'm a language person so I love learning and making progress. But I can also be deeply introverted, and sometimes that doesn't fly. My idea of a fun friday night in Michigan would be to  shut the door of my room, putting on some cds and reading until I was too tired to see. But here you can't just alienate yourself, there are people around who are trying to help you learn French and that isn't really the personality of french kids (to like to be alone). So it's really hard, but you must abandon this personality of the only person living in the world. The change may not be permanent, but if it adapts to the culture and makes those around you happy, it is for the better. And it's made me more comfortable in many social climates. So sometimes you just have to jump into the deep end with your eyes closed and nose plugged. 


I love my friends at school. I love my friends at school. Oh and have I mentioned, I LOVE MY FRIENDS AT SCHOOL?! Even though the teachers can be quite negative and without understanding, the kids in my class will never fail to make my day better. If you just put yourself out there and smile, people will gobble you up. Because you're an exchange student, you already have something to talk about.


Where are you from??


The United States! 


NEW YORK?


No, Michigan!


...Like Chicago? 


Uh, sure, close enough! :) 


And then you're friends who are learning to knit and play guitar together. Or maybe you just like to make fun of each other's accents. I love everyone in my school <3 . I've also met with the rotary exchange students from my neighboring district, and THEY ARE GREAT, from places like australia, brasil, india, bolivia, and canada. Thank you Jean. 


Three months soon (smile)


P.S. if you haven't you have to listen to Florence (+) The Machine's new album, "Ceremonials". It is my favorite collection of music in this world. I don't think it's available in the united states yet (haha), but when it is, get on it. Worth every penny and then some. Good night 

Compulsiveness is next to godliness.

There's no other way to say it. I had a shitty day at school. One of my teachers is an absolute dick, and he decided to go crazy at me for...something? In front of my entire class for about five minutes. He's a drinker, he does that to everyone else but it really freaked me out. I think it was about how I'm not doing enough class work. Too bad I have no idea when he's giving an assignment... 


Right now my job is to learn the French language. Which is actually going pretty great. I do what class work I can, but also I have special french classes that I work on homework for. Kind of like "ESL" at grand haven. It's boring, but great for my french. So excuse me if I'm not killing myself for studying the urban and multicultural habits of lille and its corresponding city. Sorry, me no comprendo. 


I have been thinking for a while about acquiring an instrument. I've gone through piano and clarinet and violin. None were right for me. I love music and a favorite genre of mine is actually Latino, which includes many intricate and beautiful GUITAR songs. So yesterday I asked my friend Lucas if he knew a place where I could check them out, and told me what route to take on the metro and drew me a map of the street and the store. 


After school Clémentine and I were walking to the metro, and as a split second decision I asked her if she wanted to check out this place, "Euro Guitar", with me. I was still feeling pretty down about the incident that morning. She agreed and we rode three stations down the line to a place I had never been before, Gambetta. 


We got to the store and went to the back, where the guitars ran about 100-400 dollars, all acoustic and normal colored. A man came back to try and help us, but I told him we're just looking. He asked, for your first guitar? I didn't really understand, but Clémentine did and she nodded helpfully for me. He said, I hope you like red, and disappeared into a storage room. Uh, ok. 


He brought out a really kicked around box, but pulled out the most beautiful instrument I've ever seen. Red like a strawberry with latino markings around the sound hole. 


He said 49 euros, take it or leave it today only. 




........uh......HELL yeah ! 
This is at least a 250$ value for less than FIFTY. I paid 15 more dollars for a black case with big pocket, and left with Clem in an incredibly good mood. I thought I would save my money and get one for myself for my birthday, but I guess Christmas came early this year. 


His name is Gitano because he was made in Spain.
I'm going to surf the internet for beginner videos now.


I've wanted to play the guitar for a long time because whenever you see pictures from campers or explorers in Chile/Argentina/Patagonia, at night they make a big campfire with their friends and play guitar songs under a sky full of stars. So now when the time comes I'll have something to do too ! 

DREAMS OF DISCOVERING THE WHOLE WORLD !

I've always hated the word "goals." It sounds like someone is discussing soccer. What's after the goal? Then what... one things done, but did you really want to do it? Is this what's expected of you, or what you're heart wants? You know what a better word for goal is? A dream.


It's funny how in the beginning of our lives they start out big, and then usually get smaller as we grow up. I've always wondered why that is with people. When they're young, everything is new and exciting, every day is an adventure filled with endless possibilities. But then as we get older, more capable of accomplishing these feats, our hearts start to shrink. We worry about pimples, car payments, catty friends, boys, all these electronic things....honestly in my opinion, boring. All these worries boil down to going to the school your parents went to, and then becoming a house wife or a secretary. People yell at their daughters for doing stuff they themselves did. Highlights. Brunch on Sundays with the red hat club. And then you die. 


Maybe I'm a little dramatic, but I've always been that way. 
When I was in third grade, I had a plan. When I grew up I was going to be an indian chief in the mountains of North Dakota, canoeing down the great ocean coast line and sending messages to other tribes via smoke signal. 


That dream changed when Norma kindly told me that I was white, and with minimal indian heritage becoming a chief would be nearly impossible. 


Fourth grade was a low point in my life, as I had a horrid teacher who basically told my parents that I was intellectually insufficient. I was dreaming up novels and stories and theatre plays while he was talking about Math (or something). Gross. Really to pass the time I would look around the room and point out routes that elves could take to climb in and out of the walls, up the television, throughout bookshelves. ect. I still do that sometimes when I'm bored. 


Middle school was undeniably, irrevocably in my own words complete hell. I have blocked most of those three years out of my memory. I failed seventh grade math and think I broke a record for most times getting yelled at in Tech Ed. 


In freshman year I knew I just wanted to get out. Out of school. Out of Michigan. I was fourteen and already seriously ambitious on becoming a world traveler. I just wanted to see and experience everything. So I began to look look and look for opportunities. They are limited, as you can probably imagine, for a kid to say "see you" to their parents w/ permission and jet off to have adventures alone across an ocean. 


One day after school I was feeling particularly fed up with all the bull at grand haven, all the teachers I knew I was smarter than and all the kids who acted like coked up five year olds (I wasn't happy). I saw a poster to become a rotary exchange student in a foreign country for 11 months. 


Hmm... 


When I went to the meeting, I was told afterwards that it was too late to sign up and fill out an application, as they were due in a week and they usually took three to do. 


Nope. 
I was going next year. 
My application was going to be filled out in record time.
And I was going to get out in the world and see what I could see. 


The men running the meeting kind of blinked at me slowly and handed me an application carefully, as if my extreme eagerness was a sign that I may bite. 


So here I am almost exactly a year later, sixteen, sitting on a couch in a french restaurant, learning a foreign language and living big. It hasn't been easy. But it's been an incredible ride so far and I plan to continue until they force me into a plane and make me go in July ! I love driving through other countries and taking pictures. I love meeting new people and trying strange foods. I live for this. And today, my dreams rest somewhere between writing adventure novels and then buying a 90 foot cutter sailboat and going around the world or becoming a zoologist in central africa and working to diminish illegal trafficking of elephant tusk ivory ! And also befriend some lions I hope. Hey, if I can get out to travel the world at sixteen, I can do anything. The difference between me and others is that I really believe that I can do it. And look, I am ! 


Today I'm driving through the Netherlands with my host family and stopping in the capital of Europe (brussels) for dinner, taking lots of pictures. 
Have a great day !
Live bold and live large ! 


-Megan